


a ghost of a memory

by hawksonfire



Series: oh, the good ol' days [10]
Category: Marvel
Genre: Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Deaf Clint Barton, Established Clint/Steve, Gay Steve Rogers, M/M, Marvel Bingo 2019, Multi, Pansexual Clint Barton, mentions of DADT, pre bucky/steve/clint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-13 17:36:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21497932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawksonfire/pseuds/hawksonfire
Summary: In which Steve tells Bucky about his family.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton, James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: oh, the good ol' days [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1533320
Comments: 30
Kudos: 195
Collections: Marvel Bingo 2019





	a ghost of a memory

**Author's Note:**

> Marvel Bingo 2019 Square I2: Ghosts.

**Bucky**

He was curious. There were some things he remembered, sure, but most of his life before Hydra was shrouded in a haze. Some things he remembered clearly - the blue of Stevie’s eyes looking down at him as he freed him from the table, the feeling in his gut as he fell from the train... Some things he remembered clearly, yes, but most of his memories pre-Soldier just weren’t in his head anymore.

He didn’t know if Hydra had found some way to block or take them, or if, in the process of repressing the memories of his time as the Soldier, his brain had just repressed all of his memories. So along with not being able to remember pretty much all of 1974, he also couldn’t remember his mother’s smile. Or the way his father’s aftershave smelled. Or how his sister looked when he braided her hair.

He hadn’t wanted to ask Steve about any of that, because Steve - well, Steve wasn’t exactly the most reliable of narrators. But history gets stuff wrong, and it doesn’t have the emotions that Bucky wants to remember. Steve’s really the only one he can ask.

So he takes a deep breath, closes his eyes and counts to ten, then raises his fist and knocks on Steve’s door. He can hear someone talking quietly inside, and then the door opens to reveal Clint, staring out at him with messy hair. 

“Steve here?” Bucky asks, signing along as he goes. Clint’s eyes dart to his hands and a grin slides onto his face.

“You know sign?” He asks. He signs along with his words too, but it’s so much more fluid and obviously more well-practiced than Bucky’s own sign. 

“A little,” Bucky shrugs. “Figured it was a good idea to learn.” Clint waves him inside and Bucky enters, looking around curiously. 

“It’d be nice to have someone else to talk to,” Clint says, heading into the kitchen. “Steve and Tasha are really the only other two who are fluent. You want coffee?”

“Do you have hot chocolate?” Bucky asks, biting his lip. “Coffee doesn’t do much for me anyway and hot chocolate tastes better.”

“Hot chocolate it is!” Clint says, winking. 

“Hey, Buck,” Steve says in surprise as he walks into the kitchen, “What are you doing here?”

“I, um...” He stops. Takes a breath. Tries again. “I can’t remember what my Ma smelled like.”

Steve blinks. “Oranges and jasmine,” he says quietly, “It was her favourite scent. She wore it everywhere, got a new bottle from your dad every year for Christmas and her birthday.”

Bucky’s silent. There’s a flash of memory, of his Ma laughing as she pulls a small bottle out of some wrapping paper. It’s just a snapshot, really, but now Bucky remembers what his Ma looks like, what she smelled like, and he knows that she was beautiful when she laughed. “Thank you,” he says hoarsely. Clint slides a mug of hot chocolate in front of him and he wraps his hands around it gratefully and takes a sip, savouring the warmth of the drink as it slides down his throat.

“I can tell you about them,” Steve offers, “Your family, I mean. If there’s stuff you want to know, or things you don’t remember... Serum gave me almost perfect recall, so I can remember everything from before.” Before you fell, he doesn’t say. Before the war, he doesn’t say. 

“That would be nice,” Bucky responds quietly, his voice barely a whisper. “Can you tell me about my sisters? I can remember some things, but the rest... it’s like they’re ghosts in my head.”

Steve’s hand twitches like he wants to reach out. He doesn’t. Bucky’s disappointed. “Course I can tell you about them, Buck,” Steve says, smiling sadly, “I’d be happy to.” And he does. They sit in his kitchen and Steve talks for hours. He talks about how Becca always used to choose Bucky over his mom when it came to braiding her hair because she said that he did it better.

“Did I?” Bucky asks. “Do it better?”

“Pal, you made me swear an oath of silence and then told me that you’d asked a couple of the girls you had taken out if they’d teach you so you could do some of the more fancy stuff on her,” Steve says. “I never told a soul.” His eyes dart to Clint, leaning against the counter watching them. “Well, not ‘til now, I guess.”

“‘S okay,” Bucky says, taking a sip of his hot chocolate, “I don’t mind if Clint knows. ‘S nice, sharing this with you two.”

“We’re glad you’re comfortable sharing with us,” Clint says, smiling at Bucky gently. It gives Bucky a warm feeling in his stomach, one he intends to savour. “So, Steve,” Clint says, smirking, “Was Bucky here really as much of a ladies man as the history books say he was?”

“Not so much a ladies man, more... equal opportunity,” Steve says carefully. “The guys, he had to keep quiet, but I remember a couple nights where you went on a double date to cover for a couple girls.”

“Sounds like something he’d do,” Clint says, grinning at Bucky. 

“That’s not new, then?” Bucky asks quietly. “Me bein’ attracted to fellas?” He kinda figured it wasn’t, what with whatever it was he and Steve had goin’ before the war, but he wasn’t entirely sure. Maybe it was just Steve he had a thing for. 

Steve’s eyes soften. “No, Buck, it ain’t new. You’ve always been attracted to both, since as long as I knew you. Scared you half to death one night when I came home when you was with a fella.” He chuckles. “Thought you were gonna drop dead of shock right there when it turned out me and Harry knew each other.”

“Are you the same way?”

Steve shakes his head. “It’s just guys, for me.”

Bucky blinks. “Weren’t you and Carter...” 

“Nah,” Steve says, smiling a little, “She was just covering for me and -” Abruptly, he starts coughing, and it’s almost endearing that he thinks Bucky won’t notice he was about to saying that Carter was covering for the two of them. 

“Guess that makes sense,” Bucky says thoughtfully, pretending he doesn’t see the sheer relief on Steve’s face. “Can’t have the army figurin’ out Captain America was a queer.”

“Phillips woulda shit bricks,” Steve agrees.

“You ever wonder how many guys were like us back then?” Bucky asks. “‘S not like they coulda come forward and talked about it. Woulda gotten blue-carded.”

“Couldn’t have been just us,” Steve agrees. “At least it’s different now.”

“It is?”

It’s Clint who answers this time. “Mostly. Being queer won’t get you kicked out of the military, as of 2011. Still ain’t exactly easy, though.”

“You’d think the world woulda got it’s shit together in the time we’ve been gone,” Bucky says, shaking his head.

Steve shrugs. “Yeah, well. All we can do now is help it get there.”

Bucky nods. “Can you tell me more about my family?” And Steve does. The three of them spend the rest of the day and most of the night talking about Bucky’s family, and when he goes to sleep later that night, something inside him is settled.


End file.
